im not everything you want me to BE!

Once again, im lost... in searching for my new life... I found it, but i cant live the way i wanted. theres lots of constraints in life. those directly affecting your mind, soul and body are most harmful and yet important to you. Most say, i have been living a life respecting my dad. this is true! everything i do, dad is the motivation behind it. i know exactly what kind of person he wants me to be. tall, slim, beautiful, fashionable, polite, smart, fast, dominating, diplomatic, dynamic, confident, a person with great personality and able to handle great things.. basically an other workaholic, just like him. Am i even any where near there? i doubt so! i know im not that capable, im not tt smart, im not that ambitious as what i used to be. But i had been constantly trying to live up to his expectations. but not knowing the right way to what he expects, i became pretentious. haha. pretending to be that some1 who i am not. to be that person that Im not willing to become. and only till now, that i realised that it is not what i want!!
I miss my play! Probably i miss the chance of getting to be another person! i miss the attention on stage and of course i miss what i really enjoy doing! n i do miss the ppl to a great extent, though im ice queen, but there's a flame in me. jus tt i refuse to show it. haha. This is wat i wan to do. n this is where i belong... Haf u ever seen me getting so crazy before?