I love myself=)

Under immerse pressure these few days. i seriously felt like dying! Anyway, its over, i solved it! I have to keep on reminding myself that i love myself and i did nothing wrong. haha.
Well, i know dad loves me, but he doesnt accept me... He doesnt accept who i am, wat i wan to be, and thats y i dont feel the love. It is true that when i dont love myself, you dont love others. so, i have to love myslf!

OMG!! i lost my phone!

13 Jan, a Sunday... i would have believed it if it was a Friday. I woke up feeling shitty and (argh) extreme headache. I had a damn bad hangover - e consequence of excessive drinking e nite b4. i would gladly accept all these tortures if this is e only thing that i have to be responsible for. But... more to come! n now when i think of it, its damn funny! haha..
I still remember clearly the weird, shocked look on my face this morning. I woke up ard 9, e lights still on, curtain, windows left open. den next, i found nth on me. shit! how could i jus sleep like tt? the neighbors opposite blocks.. hmm.. oh no!! haiz.. actually i dont really care.. well, e next qn is where r my clothes? not anywhere in sight! where is my phone? y is my bag empty? where did i throw my clothes? y am i naked? to my sudden realization, i know im in trouble!! i made a mistake again!! What is happening to me?!! I know i cant let dad know abt this. if not, he would b disappointed, or maybe i just shouldn't have gone. so, i quickly wrap up myself with a towel and rush outside. den i realise tt i cant even walk properly. not a good sign! i cant remember anything and cant recall wat exactly happened! and im stinky!
I kinda of figured out tt i left my phone outside e house last nite.. when i was looking for my key. so perhaps some things do fall out, and "smartly" enough, i didnt pick them up. Wat the hell!! but i did bring in my heels, n even brought in my fren's slipper.. damn, wat e hell!! n tts y when i open e front door, i was half rite! theres rubberband, tissus papers, things from my bag, n tt explains y my bag was empty. so, still tt same qn! phone! oh no, its not there.. so it muz haf been..
so this is how i lost my phone! the price to pay for being dead drunk! i dunno anything! but i know i left zouk in a hurry, cos was really uncomfortable. den i puke in e cab! haiz.. tts all i remember.
den i manage to find my clothes. its in e toilet.. argh!! which means i left everything there and walk back to e room. OMG!! this is unbelievable! and actually i lost my belt too.. i still dunno where is it. dun tell me that i left it outside e house as well, which also means tt i started to undress myself when im still outside. haiz.. now tt i learnt my lesson! not gg to drink tt much from now on.
Actually sally dun club, perhaps the real reason behind it is tt i really wan to relax n let go of myself totally! i know im jus escaping reality... escaping those problems, dont wan to do anything about it, not having to answer to any1, n mostly importantly, enjoy a bit of fun! i guess it does help to a certain extent, when im not tt aware of myself, im happy, crazy and hilarious. Im jus stressed and overloaded with stuff! But when i wake up, there's more prob.. I cant run away anymore!! excessive drinking wont help! anyway, how much did i drink? 1 beer, 2 cups, but i think it muz b tt 4 consecutive martell shots tt send me dead... haiz. well, I'm gonna let sally fall, fall as low as possible this time, den i will gather back my courage, energy and ambition.. i will climb up again. I want my new life!
k, stop thinking abt ur beloved k530i, no matter how much u love it, its past tense now.. time to move on!!! this also applies to ppl as well, move on... 10/10 ppl told me its not worth it.. which i agree=)

im not everything you want me to BE!

Once again, im lost... in searching for my new life... I found it, but i cant live the way i wanted. theres lots of constraints in life. those directly affecting your mind, soul and body are most harmful and yet important to you. Most say, i have been living a life respecting my dad. this is true! everything i do, dad is the motivation behind it. i know exactly what kind of person he wants me to be. tall, slim, beautiful, fashionable, polite, smart, fast, dominating, diplomatic, dynamic, confident, a person with great personality and able to handle great things.. basically an other workaholic, just like him. Am i even any where near there? i doubt so! i know im not that capable, im not tt smart, im not that ambitious as what i used to be. But i had been constantly trying to live up to his expectations. but not knowing the right way to what he expects, i became pretentious. haha. pretending to be that some1 who i am not. to be that person that Im not willing to become. and only till now, that i realised that it is not what i want!!
I miss my play! Probably i miss the chance of getting to be another person! i miss the attention on stage and of course i miss what i really enjoy doing! n i do miss the ppl to a great extent, though im ice queen, but there's a flame in me. jus tt i refuse to show it. haha. This is wat i wan to do. n this is where i belong... Haf u ever seen me getting so crazy before?

Oct, ahhh... that shows how long have i not touched this blog. Well, so many things have happened=) good or bad, its all history. Time for me to get focus n concentrate on my work. haha!
Lousy Sal cant do maths, cant do stats, cant really do econs either, haiz, definitely gonna do something about it! if not.. k, lets not prepare for the worst! conquer it!
yeah, I'm stress! i am.. sometimes, perhaps i have too much commitments, well, these are the things which i enjoy doing n it gives me some sense of accomplishments. as well we to keep my minds off some things!! but y cant i live a simple life? I've been longing to live a simpler life, less complicated, less stressful n just hanging ard, happy-go-lucky! haha=) is it nice? But somehow, I'm nowhere near there... haiz...
Den the qn arises again, is it really that i have to live with it? or its just my choice... hmm, i guess I'm just confused.. yeah, really confused.. identity crisis again? hmm...
Well, i have decided to strike a balance in work, personal lifestyle, friends n my living environment! i think its important lor, in helping me to maintain my energy level physically, mentally n emotionally. hahaz... help me!! help me!! mayday!!

You know i Love schooL...

yeah, its been 3 weeks since my new school term started. i guess im pretty well adjusted to e system, e school and new ppl ard. afterall, its jus another sch, nth special. there r lots of international students in DE, so at least i dont feel that weird, like before=( haha...
oh, i realised that most of the people are so young, like 18 or 19.. to b reminded of, im alr 20, (opps, i revealed my age) that to me is like very old!! argh!!

I had a real hard time when it comes to choosing of options and subject, i wanted to do international relations, so at least it sounds more interesting and also, it would be beneficial for banking and finance. But juggling maths and other subjects at the same time, would surely torture me to death. i could still vividly remember how painful n trumatising was it for me to go through A-maths.. argh, i had nightmares and pimples (a result of stress).. yeah, though it was about 2 to 3 yrs ago, but i even feel dreadful in picking up my pen. haiz.. horrible.. n now i have to touch it again.. no choice..
So, for a safe option, i choose to to take up Information System, without knowing wat is it exactly like.. haha.. perhaps, the only thing i can do is to study hard!!

No link

Last tuesday, which was 7thAug, i went facial with agatha!! Agatha so cute. I gave her a very cute water bottle, its made of glass. haha, i like to use glass-ware cos its healthier than plastic. yeah=) so i used to carry a small glass bottle out whenever i go. Until one day, smth happened.. guess wat?
Of course i didnt break the bottle, not that clumsy, like a bull. One day, i suddenly realised that I am indeed very thirsty! n my small bottle of water has jus finished! argh! so from that time, i continued to use my red nike plastic bottle! yeah!

Happy birthday shuyao

celebrated Shuyao's birthday on 1st Aug! bought her a cake=) which was not very fantastic.. but still can la.. haha smile=)