I love myself=)

Under immerse pressure these few days. i seriously felt like dying! Anyway, its over, i solved it! I have to keep on reminding myself that i love myself and i did nothing wrong. haha.
Well, i know dad loves me, but he doesnt accept me... He doesnt accept who i am, wat i wan to be, and thats y i dont feel the love. It is true that when i dont love myself, you dont love others. so, i have to love myslf!

OMG!! i lost my phone!

13 Jan, a Sunday... i would have believed it if it was a Friday. I woke up feeling shitty and (argh) extreme headache. I had a damn bad hangover - e consequence of excessive drinking e nite b4. i would gladly accept all these tortures if this is e only thing that i have to be responsible for. But... more to come! n now when i think of it, its damn funny! haha..
I still remember clearly the weird, shocked look on my face this morning. I woke up ard 9, e lights still on, curtain, windows left open. den next, i found nth on me. shit! how could i jus sleep like tt? the neighbors opposite blocks.. hmm.. oh no!! haiz.. actually i dont really care.. well, e next qn is where r my clothes? not anywhere in sight! where is my phone? y is my bag empty? where did i throw my clothes? y am i naked? to my sudden realization, i know im in trouble!! i made a mistake again!! What is happening to me?!! I know i cant let dad know abt this. if not, he would b disappointed, or maybe i just shouldn't have gone. so, i quickly wrap up myself with a towel and rush outside. den i realise tt i cant even walk properly. not a good sign! i cant remember anything and cant recall wat exactly happened! and im stinky!
I kinda of figured out tt i left my phone outside e house last nite.. when i was looking for my key. so perhaps some things do fall out, and "smartly" enough, i didnt pick them up. Wat the hell!! but i did bring in my heels, n even brought in my fren's slipper.. damn, wat e hell!! n tts y when i open e front door, i was half rite! theres rubberband, tissus papers, things from my bag, n tt explains y my bag was empty. so, still tt same qn! phone! oh no, its not there.. so it muz haf been..
so this is how i lost my phone! the price to pay for being dead drunk! i dunno anything! but i know i left zouk in a hurry, cos was really uncomfortable. den i puke in e cab! haiz.. tts all i remember.
den i manage to find my clothes. its in e toilet.. argh!! which means i left everything there and walk back to e room. OMG!! this is unbelievable! and actually i lost my belt too.. i still dunno where is it. dun tell me that i left it outside e house as well, which also means tt i started to undress myself when im still outside. haiz.. now tt i learnt my lesson! not gg to drink tt much from now on.
Actually sally dun club, perhaps the real reason behind it is tt i really wan to relax n let go of myself totally! i know im jus escaping reality... escaping those problems, dont wan to do anything about it, not having to answer to any1, n mostly importantly, enjoy a bit of fun! i guess it does help to a certain extent, when im not tt aware of myself, im happy, crazy and hilarious. Im jus stressed and overloaded with stuff! But when i wake up, there's more prob.. I cant run away anymore!! excessive drinking wont help! anyway, how much did i drink? 1 beer, 2 cups, but i think it muz b tt 4 consecutive martell shots tt send me dead... haiz. well, I'm gonna let sally fall, fall as low as possible this time, den i will gather back my courage, energy and ambition.. i will climb up again. I want my new life!
k, stop thinking abt ur beloved k530i, no matter how much u love it, its past tense now.. time to move on!!! this also applies to ppl as well, move on... 10/10 ppl told me its not worth it.. which i agree=)

im not everything you want me to BE!

Once again, im lost... in searching for my new life... I found it, but i cant live the way i wanted. theres lots of constraints in life. those directly affecting your mind, soul and body are most harmful and yet important to you. Most say, i have been living a life respecting my dad. this is true! everything i do, dad is the motivation behind it. i know exactly what kind of person he wants me to be. tall, slim, beautiful, fashionable, polite, smart, fast, dominating, diplomatic, dynamic, confident, a person with great personality and able to handle great things.. basically an other workaholic, just like him. Am i even any where near there? i doubt so! i know im not that capable, im not tt smart, im not that ambitious as what i used to be. But i had been constantly trying to live up to his expectations. but not knowing the right way to what he expects, i became pretentious. haha. pretending to be that some1 who i am not. to be that person that Im not willing to become. and only till now, that i realised that it is not what i want!!
I miss my play! Probably i miss the chance of getting to be another person! i miss the attention on stage and of course i miss what i really enjoy doing! n i do miss the ppl to a great extent, though im ice queen, but there's a flame in me. jus tt i refuse to show it. haha. This is wat i wan to do. n this is where i belong... Haf u ever seen me getting so crazy before?